Couples

Topics You Must Discuss

It's happened! It's finally happened! You've both uttered those three little words... which means it's likely time for one of you to say, "We need to talk."

But wait, it's not what you think! Sure, sure, "we need to talk," after three or four dates is a gut-wrenching thing to hear. However, when you've been together considerably longer, this is the good kind of talk. It wakes up the butterflies all over again and ensures you'll blissfully head down the same path.  Granted, you'll obviously gather insight into each other during the courtship but as things progress and get more serious you really must (I repeat, must) discuss five key items because if you don't, serious repercussions can follow. Boo!
 

The Top 5 Must-Have Conversations


Marriage. Money. Work. Location. Kids. No particular order, but these are the ones that matter. 

We've all heard statistics about the "50 per cent divorce rate," which can make it easy to say, "Why bother?" Yet marriage -- be it regular, common-law, civil union, shackin' up for good, whatever -- is a fantastic concept and people will eternally march into its ever-welcoming embrace. However people will also consistently do so while turning a blind eye to the five key items mentioned above - including marriage itself.
 
Marriage
James L. was married and had two kids, but things didn't work out. Now he dates (quite frequently) and each relationship lasts on average 12 months. James is a well-to-do, interesting and fun bachelor and so, the women inevitably want to tie the knot. He does not. This is a tough situation for both parties. Every gal knows you can't ask, "Do you want to get married again someday?" in the first few dates. And he can't exactly offer up the news over coffee. It takes a while: they hope he'll change; the realization he won't; the end.
 
Money
Mark D. already owned a house and had a nice nest-egg when he got married. He sacrificed his early 20s wild years by living at home for a long time to lay out this stability. His wife however came in with a low-income job and a serious pile of debt. That was tough but they talked (and paid) it through. Then, one night he casually asked, "If we split up, what would you think you should get?" He was shocked, shocked I say, to hear her say, "I don't know, half?" 
 
Work
Derek H. was and still is a 'thrower' at the airport (you know, those kind souls who delicately place your luggage on a plane) while his wife was a career-driven marketing shark. While she didn't let on that the differences in career ambition were a sore spot for her, the quiet frustration eventually spilled over into everything else. Coming into the marriage they admittedly breezed over just about every topic and the marriage did not survive.


Location
Edward C., a retired manager for a major technology company, moved his family no less than half a dozen times to far reaches of the globe during their (still going strong) marriage. Luckily he and his wife were both from a small town and welcomed the work-oriented opportunity to see the globe. But if one of them had deep roots, then their relationship likely would have been upended during all those moves. 
 
Kids
Thomas K., who has four kids, two dogs and a mini-van, says that at one time "I actually didn't want kids." His wife however, decided when they'd get married, where they'd live, how many kids they'd have, and probably a few other key (unmentionable) decisions as well. He doesn't call her "the boss" without reason... And yet this style of marriage works for them. His life is considerably different than he thought it might be, and often (but forcibly not too often) he pines for the D.I.N.K.s (an acronym for double income, no kids) lifestyle of lots of gadgets and vacations and dinners-out and full nights of sleep, etc...
 
When you're hot on the dating scene or the relationship is kindling nicely, the 'mental list' in your head of 'he/she must-haves' is very different than the 'are they the one' list.  'He snores' is no comparison to 'He wants to move to a remote city in the eastern Shan state in Thailand.'  'She Tivo's Jerry Springer' is passable compared to 'She has the six kids' names picked out already'.
 
It is impossible (I repeat, impossible) to tiptoe around these five key items if you expect your relationship to bloom to its full potential. After all, you don't want to add your name to the negative side of the 50 per cent line, do you? 
 
Find a Way to Find Out
 
When you're dating, you can clearly see if your beau is work obsessed but when you ask, "Do you think you'll always work this much or do you plan to slow down eventually?" you'll get to the truth of the matter. It's obvious when she gushes and fawns over nieces and nephews, but when you ask, "Do you ever see yourself having kids?" you'll get to the truth of the matter.  Did you also notice how those questions weren't direct challenges with a leading answer? "When are you going to stop working so much?" directs the question in a way you might want it answered. They'll feel trapped and the conversation won't be as honest (or as calm).  It's no secret that communication is essential in any sort of relationship, and these five key topics are the lifeblood of your commitment, flowing directly into the heart of "We need to talk."
 
And of course, keep in mind that a relationship is a living thing. Even though you've talked it over once, things can always change...


Sexy Style Secrets 

What should you keep in mind while shopping for the right sexy lingerie?  The weather is cooling off, but it doesn't mean your personal wardrobe has to! Warm things up by taking it off and impress your partner ― and yourself! It's getting so cold outside that you're much better off finding fun things to do indoors anyway, right? So crank up the heat, turn down the lights and check out these tips for steamy winter nights.

Prep Yourself

Before you head out to Discreet Boutique with credit card in hand, don't just find out what your guy likes, but think about what turns you on too. If what he likes is totally different than what you are into, you might have problems down the road. On the other hand, if it's only a little bit beyond your comfort limits, then make sure to find common ground that will be fun and pleasurable for both of you. Never ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but also try to keep an open mind and avoid allowing insecurities to hold you back. It's definitely a cliché by now, but the whole "confidence is sexy" thing really is true, so make sure to work whatever you've got going on and own it!

From A to D

Sexy, racy, lacy bras are a lingerie staple. While not on the mind-blowing scale of daringness, no guy is going to be upset that you went and splurged on a naughty push-up bra meant to conjure up more than dirty thoughts. While searching for your ultimate fantasy bra, do a few boring reality checks first. Make sure to get measured and find the correct size. While shopping, keep in mind the styles that are flattering to you and not just typically sexy. If you're on the bigger side, a super see-through piece of lace with no support might not do much for you. For smaller girls, you might have to work harder to find the right kind of bra to boost your natural cleavage, but halter-style tops are a good start. Don't get discouraged. There is something for everyone!

Online Ogling

Discreet Boutique has a large selection of mainstream lingerie for a reason. We have a constantly expanding selection of skimpy nighties for all types. Shopping for lingerie might make you shy, but with their competitive prices, you don't have much to worry about.Again, knowing your measurements and body type helps to narrow down a wide selection of teddies, nighties and more. It also helps to note how the item fits on the model. There are super tight numbers, but also flowing and lacy pieces that will safely complement many figures.

Be Bold

Trying different styles of lingerie gives you a chance to try on different personas that might be totally opposite from who you are in your everyday life. Whether it's as simple as a lacy black teddy or involves more of a role-playing aspect, like a French Maid or Naughty Nurse costume, indulging in fantasy can be a unique and thrilling experience for you and your partner. If you are up for it, it can enhance your sex life and keep a special feeling of closeness between you. Sharing such a personal side of yourself and allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable to your partner, while fulfilling each other's needs creatively and sexually, will surely leave you both feeling appreciated, trusted and loved.

Basic Tools

Women need some tool belts too, right? Apart from the feelings of closeness from your sexy shared secret, there are basics that are a great start for being stylishly sexy. Keep a pair of black pumps, fishnet stockings, massage oil, red lipstick, lamp coverings and garters in your lingerie arsenal and you'll never be caught empty-handed. Building on these basics will be up to you and your partner and where you want to take your sex life. Having an open mind is probably the sexiest accessory you could have, but of course, always be wary that everyone has their limits and each of us varies greatly within those boundaries. Always be respectful of your partner's wishes.


just let go

Playing with lingerie is meant to be fun and sexy. It can be intimidating at first, but once you give it a try, you'll know if you are into it or not. It is empowering to embrace your sexuality in an appropriate and safe realm. It's not about strutting down the street in a miniskirt and low cut shirt, but about a private and intimate celebration of your body, sensuality and feelings for your partner. Of course, you can take it to any level you want, but there's no better platform than your private life.



Sexual healing: The benefits of sex

It can burn calories, ward off disease and even help you look younger. Sex isn't just good; it's good for you!


The Economist declared that sleep is the new sex in 2008. But don't ditch your lace undies for cozy flannels yet. Just as a good night's sleep will do wonders for your mood, a joyful jump in the hay will keep you fit and stress-free. And even if you occasionally pull a Meg Ryan and fake it, you'll still reap the rewards. "Sexual activity releases sex hormones that have beneficial effects on our immune, cardiovascular and neurological systems," says Dr. Ted Jablonski, a clinical associate at the Sexual Health Clinic in Calgary. Here are five reasons why you should do it.

Sexercise Forget Bikram yoga class; a little sweaty sexercise might be an easier way to get your cardio and strength training. Researchers at The University of Sheffield in the United Kingdom studied 70 couples and found that those who had regular sex were in better physical shape than those whose lovemaking sessions were more sporadic. Not surprising, says Dr. Cedric Bryant, chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. "You get some cardio benefits from having sex," he says. "It raises your heart rate and burns 150 to 200 calories an hour -- that's equivalent to a brisk walk." (Even if you're not rounding home right away, kissing alone uses 29 muscles and torches 20 calories per minute, according to research by Beiersdorf AG, the makers of NIVEA Lip Care.) Sex can also build muscle. "Depending on your position, it can add muscular training and conditioning as well as core stability from maintaining positions," says Bryant.

Happy hour The next time you're feeling gloomy, skip the Ben & Jerry's -- some X-rated canoodling could be a better way to beat the blahs. Researchers at Arizona State University asked 58 women to record their moods and levels of sexual activity and physical affection over 36 weeks. Those women who experienced both affection and sex reported being in a better mood the next day. Chalk it up to endorphins -- neurotransmitters that are released during sexual activity, says Jablonski. "Endorphins are produced in the brain and make you feel happy -- almost giddy," he says. "This is what causes that classic 'afterglow' phenomenon."

First aid Marvin Gaye was onto something when he called it "sexual healing." During intercourse, two chemicals are released in the body: endorphins and oxytocin; together, they act as a powerful opiate. (A study at the University of Vienna found that women's oxytocin levels increase significantly as quickly as one minute after an orgasm.) So, if you have a headache, the horizontal mambo could be just what the doctor ordered. "Studies have shown that sex increases your pain threshold for [ailments such as] migraines and even menstrual cramps," says Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a gynecologist and professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center in New York.

Sexual healing

Big chill We all know that stress is bad for us; luckily, we can have fun getting rid of its unhealthy side effects. Stuart Brody, a professor at the University of Paisley in Scotland, found that having sex can help lower your blood pressure when you're reacting to stressful situations. In a 2006 study that examined 24 women and 22 men, those who had penile-vaginal intercourse had better stress responses than those who abstained or participated in other sexual activities, such as masturbation. Again, it's because of oxytocin, says Lisa Martinez, executive director of The Women's Sexual Health Foundation in Ohio. "The hormone creates a sense of well-being and happiness," adds Hutcherson.

Forever young Sure, a visit to the dermatologist's office might help eradicate a wrinkle or two. But hitting it with your partner could give you even greater anti-aging benefits. A study of 3,500 people at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland found that couples who had sex at least three times a week looked at least 10 years younger than those who had sex twice a week. Regular sex can boost your immune system too: a 2004 study at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that those who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of immunoglobulin A -- an antibody that plays a critical role in the immune system -- than those who had sex less often.




 


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